#It seems like I have a lot to say but you need to understand that I know almost too many performers to have a nice cut and dry list :)

[illiath-the-fae]

So... just to add some reality to this.... because a lot of people seem to think they'd be perfect and would not have any issues with being able to handle these things if they happened in their own lives in some way...

If OP is referring to the included response image, then the response needs analysis, because it does not say (explicitly) what OP is responding to. As the image response wasn't supplied by OP I'm not sure OP is responding to that or a different response. If not and there was a more direct response, then it should have been provided, not this one, as I do not agree that this response says what OP claims.

For those who are unsure why I say this, my analysis of the response posted is below the line (I'm reminded of Brandolini's Law here)...

There are two primary ways to read this response. There are other ways, most likely, but I wanted to highlight these two.

The person is hateful enough of people who won't accept being called a specific word that they'll cut them out of their life (which seems to be the way this thread is taking the response).

The person is has sufficient levels of social anxiety that potentially harming someone by accident is sufficient cause for them to avoid the individual in question.

The first method is how people seem to be reading this, based on attaching it to the post by OP (I do not know if this was OP is referring to this post or not so I don't want to say "OP said this" or anything).

Method two, which is how I read that message, is as follows.

Their first sentence that claim "dude" is gender neutral. That's a stance, many in California see the word that way, I understand, even if I disagree. That said, the RP (Response Poster) is taking that stance with their post, which suggests they use this the same with men, women, cats, dogs, otters, fish, birds, etc (okay, maybe not, maybe only humans, but hey, I can be hyperbolic, right? right? oh, okay, maybe not... let's just assume it's people only for now).

In their next sentence they express their response if someone in real life requested not to be called dude. Their response would be, probably (so this hasn't happened to them), stop talking to them altogether because of their anxiety around accidentally disrespecting the other person. While this means the person is likely to cut someone out of their life (this bit matches up to OPs post) it is not because someone else is transfemme (this doesn't match up, because RP doesn't mention transfemmes at all, even though OP specifically mentions them), but because of their anxiety around disrespecting other people.

Okay, so now I put on my psychologist hat and I see someone who is dealing with elevated levels of anxiety about social situations (maybe clinically, maybe not, this is a SINGLE SENTENCE not something I could diagnose from, even if I wanted to. It's just a higher level of anxiety that would be expected). Someone who knows they're going to make a mistake and don't want to harm someone (even slightly) with their mistake that they are likely to self-isolate from that individual to make sure it doesn't happen (this is called setting a boundary, some of you are big advocates of that from what I've read here on this site).

People who would rather self-isolate themselves from others, rather than make mistakes that they believe will harm the other person (even slightly), exist, are real, and think this way about all sorts of behaviours. Rather than putting this person on blast because you have read what they have to say and read something into it that isn't in what is written, perhaps we could take a moment to actually process what they wrote and see if they actually say what we initially read into it? It would help.

If they did say what we think they said, rather than shaming them entirely, is there is another way we could handle the response than putting them on blast? If RP had, in fact, said they'd shove transfemme people out of their life, if the transfemme requested not to be called 'dude' what could we have done? Could we have a method that includes the person and tries to get them to change their mind? We've got a lot of things attempting to divide us, as a society, even more will be coming in the next few years, divide and conquer is a well-known fascist tactic, don't do it for them!

On a side note, there is also another factor I think we should include here... As part of the whole "we should learn how to be inclusive, not exclusive when something bad happens socially", we need to remember that it is a highly common behaviour for individuals to be unable to word things clearly to describe their feelings around a matter such that they'd rather avoid those feelings and the subject of them, than attempt to address them. We even have terms for when people's ability to handle social situations is affected by that to a "clinically relevant level"... you may have heard of some of those.

I'm sorry was there actually a post where a cis woman said she would cut a transfem friend out of her life if a transfem asked her to stop calling the transfem dude? Please tell me this was a hypothetical and not real

[melangedeparfums]

AT THE SUPERMARKET

masterlist

toji fushiguro x pregnant!reader

tw: crack (attempts to), fluff, reader is pregnant with megumi, toji calling reader “ma, mama”, weird pregnancy cravings, not proofread.

“yellow or green?”

“hmm?”

“toji, are you listening to me?” you sighed in the middle of the alley of the supermarket, waving two baby pyjamas in each of your hands.

“i’m not buying my son a pyjama with fucking cows eating grass on it, ma’.”

“toji.”

running errands with toji was a nightmare. he was always behind you, his chest pressed against your back while he caged you before the cart, listening half the time to whatever you were saying. he also glared to anybody who dared stare at you for too long, ready to fight if needed while you offered apologetic smiles to whoever would come across your husband behaviour. that was always the same thing with him. having toji to lift the bags, push the cart, and pay was great - but his scary dog attitude was a lot to deal with.

“so, green or yellow?” you repeated, now that you had his full attention.

“green.”

“yellow it is.” you put the yellow pyjama - the one with the cows eating grass - in the cart, while he pushed it, his lips spreading into a half-smile. he knew you - you always got what you wanted, even if he found the pyjamas atrocious, and that it would make his son look like a fucking minion, he would bear it, for you.

toji couldn’t really understand why buying cute little stuff for your child - that wasn’t even born yet - seemed to always put you in a good mood. little socks, bobble hats, and everything that went with it. megumi - as he insisted on naming him - could wear nothing and he would love his son the same. but, he wouldn’t question it, not with you. the sigh of your swollen belly made his chest flutter with warmth, his dark blue eyes softening slightly. your were glowing with pregnancy, delicate skin flushed with heat, eyes gleaming with excitement - when you didn’t want to kill him half of the time - feeling his own heart stutter in his ribcage. he often couldn’t believe how someone so pure would want to do anything with him - but the universe worked in mysterious ways, not that he was really complaining.

“you know what i really crave right now?” your question seemed to pull him out of his thoughts, his eyes finding yours.

“cheesecake? fries and ice-cream?”

“no. i want strawberries with burrata, or avocado with chocolate….” your eyebrows knitted, a little pout on my lips, your eyes darting between both options, your hands on your belly. which one to get? it seemed like a whole dilemma, your mouth watering just thinking about it. your husband was used to it: it could take hours for you to choose, changing your opinion at least five times to be finally decided.

“which one does he want?” toji asked, my chin titling to your belly. he learnt how to be patient, his dearly wife deserved every once of the patience he could summon. so, if you took it seriously, he would too, even if you had to spend twenty minutes deciding. so, be it. your were the mother of his son after all.

“i don’t know.” toji took a package of strawberries and the peanut butter. he made you smell one after the other, his eyes narrowing to watch every detail of your reaction. since you were pregnant, indecision seemed to claw at you, your cravings changing every time.

both of you waited for the little blessing in your belly to manifest himself, to kick or even move.

nothing.

absolutely nothing.

“he’s sleeping i think.” you finally announced, a sigh leaving your lips.

“hey, megumi, wake up and tell your mother-“ yes, toji was patient with you, but if his soon-to-be-born child could help him, even a little bit, he would feel extremely grateful right now.

“toji.”

“i was dead ass serious.” the little pout on your lips softened him, as he leaned to kiss your forehead with gentleness. “it’s okay, we can take both.”

“really?” your eyes seemed to lighten, eyelashes fluttering with hope.

“yes, mama.” he put everything in the cart without thinking twice. he would indulge your weird pregnancy cravings if he got to look at your adorable smile every single day.

arriving at the checkout, toji didn’t think twice and skipped the line: one of the perks of having a pregnant wife after all. he would use all the advantages - for you, like for him, “my wife is pregnant” being his favourite line every time he went out - even without you. skipping the line, using the parking spot (even when you weren’t pregnant) or taking every discount coupons that crossed his line of sight. yes, toji was a freeloader.

“you take too much pleasure in skipping the line.”

“hey, we are pregnant.”

his huge frame hid your body from the sight of the rest of the line. he listened intently to every word coming out of your mouth, his palm under his chin.

“sir, you’re not allowed to skip the line.” said an old woman, her eyebrows knitted. toji didn’t answer - in fact, he didn’t give a fuck about respecting the elders. why was she even bothering him?

“where are your manners?” she continued, her hands clutching her cane with frail hands, her eyes narrowing on his back.

fighting with other customers to have priority was one of toji’s favourite hobbies but today, he didn’t have the patience. instead, he didn’t waste time and spin you to show the old lady your round belly, a small squeal leaving your lips, his huge hands turning you by the shoulders making you almost dizzy in the process.

“my priority card is here, old hag.”

“toji!”

────

first time writing here (instead of studying), i don’t usually like the pregnancy trope but i liked the idea, so there we go! english isn’t my first language btw ✌🏻

[liobi]

More word sketches for @thedeerus 's Time is Running AU(t), now featuring 100% more family reunion cookouts with the world's most wanted parents.

Title; vague reflections

[DISTANT PAST]

“Your powers are such bullshit.” Ifrit said after watching Akivili stick their hand directly into a campfire to retrieve a fumbled toy before it could be completely taken by the flames. They handed it back to a little girl with purple hair and braids who thanked them quietly, pretending that it was the doll speaking instead. “You can travel instantly to anywhere you’ve been before, you aren’t hurt by anything there that doesn’t explicitly mean you harm, and you can speak whatever languages you need to? And you can share it with those who are traveling with you??”

“Ifrit, can you not swear in front of our kids?” Nanook looked up from the camping ground’s grill to glare at the man. 

Your brother spoke up. “It's okay, we already know bullshit!”

“And a lot more worse ones! But Akivili doesn't want us to say anything about those because then Nanook might start thinking it's even more of a bad idea to travel with them than it already is.” You chimed in.

Your “cousins” Caterina and Akash started laughing as Akivili tried to look anywhere but Nanook now that their glare was falling on Akivili instead of Ifrit. 

“I have a compulsion to travel with people, you know this, I can't help it.” Akivili tried to defend themself from the glare. “And obviously who I can travel with is limited, especially since my Nameless are doing their best to blend in. So when I travel with the kids to help desperate people in very bad situations, sometimes these people have some… creative language choices.”

“And I remember them all! In all of their languages even after Aki stops letting us understand them.” You bragged shamelessly. With an almost artful grace at deepening resentment between parents you forged onwards. “My favorites are Лох, sohai, and cazzo!”

“Stelle, baby, Aki is very proud of your ability to remember all the different languages you hear but Nanook is very mad at me right now and you aren’t helping.” Akivili said, their words starting to get lost under Ifrit’s laughter. “Ifrit I swear to god…”

The man made entirely of fire and a skull stopped laughing. “Actually, I am going to be going by Duke Inferno from now on. I'm more of a public figure these days and need a title with a bit more gravitas.”

“Uncle Ifrit?” Your brother walked by having at some point picked up Dubra, the girl with the doll, like she was a stray cat he had found. 

In his defense, the look Dubra was giving you was identical to every stray cat he ever picked up. A bit of annoyance, a teaspoon of terror, and an entire boatload of confusion. Help me, she seemed to say with her eyes. 

As always when your brother did something stupid, you instead chose to enjoy the show. “Duke is usually a dog’s name, do you want to be a dog?”

Duke Inferno, the man who had just been accused of wanting to be a dog, was taken aback. Before he could refute the absurd claim, his son piped up. “Shut up, Caelus! So what if our dad wants to be a dog?” Akash made a show of crossing his arms in front of his chest with a “harumph!”

“Yeah!” Caterina chimed in. “Dogs are awesome!”

“Dogs always do their best to make sure that no one takes their puppies away.” Dubra said, looking so pathetic that you were at last compelled to come and pry her out of Caelus’s absentminded grasp.

Constance, the wisest among you all at twelve years old, a whole two years older than you, hid her laughter behind her hand. You wondered if she did anything special to be as pretty as she was. “Don’t worry Father, we would still love you even if you were a dog.”

“Duke Inferno, if you are wanting to change your appearance there are a great many offerings available for purchase in this day and age.” a cheery feminine voice chirped from behind you. 

You turned to see a foxian woman standing there, arms full of a variety of meats and veggies all perfectly suited to be grilled. It was Miss Tingyun! “Lan sends their regards but is unable to attend personally. They did however make sure to send me along with plenty of late New Year’s money.”

Indeed, under the mountain of meat and veggies were several red envelopes which you knew were stuffed with a frankly alarming amount of money to give a child. You hadn’t even spent all of last year’s money yet. 

After Akivili thanked Tingyun and took the food supplies, she went around handing out the envelopes to each of the excited children, several going unclaimed for the children that had not yet made it or were not able to attend the Aeon’s banquet for one reason or another.

When Miss Tingyun finally stopped in front of you, you saw someone else. “Phantylia?” 

The foxian woman’s mannerisms shifted. Her voice fell deeper and seemed to come from around her instead of from her mouth. Her eyes gained a sinister quality. “Now that’s a surprise, I thought I was perfect. What gave me away?”

“You were perfect, but your time doesn’t match. Yours is older and heavier than Miss Tingyun’s.” 

Phantylia clicked her tongue as she handed you your envelope. “Well, there’s no helping that one I suppose.”

“Does Lan know, or is their choice of sending you a coincidence?” Akivili asked, returning having finished unloading the meat and veggies.

“They don’t know, but them sending me wasn’t by chance.” Phantylia put the rest of the envelopes in Tingyun’s bag to await the arrival of more eligible children. “I’ve been making sure to impress upon them the importance of presenting a united front to Oversight, so when anything like this comes up I’m the first one they generally think of. Yaoshi just happened to have recently made some awful creature at the bottom of the ocean and felt compelled to tell Lan about it. Can any of you convince them to Stop Doing That?”

“If keeping our compulsions in check were that simple, I wouldn’t have handed out as many stellarons as I have, and Akivili probably wouldn’t have fixed the internet as fast as they did.” Nanook said, finally coming over to join the group. They gave Duke Inferno a look and he went and made himself useful over by the grill. 

“It seems like the compulsions are reduced in the second wave similarly to the reductions in overall power level, but we don’t know how much children of first wave parents will fare.” Nanook looked at you with a complicated expression.

“We don’t even know if the twins are first wave or not.” Akivili stroked your hair and you leaned into their leg. You realized at some point Caelus had come and pulled Dubra out of your grasp without your notice, because he was now running around chasing her older siblings carrying the absolutely miserable looking girl the whole time.

“Because they were conceived before you two awakened, but born after.” Phantylia said simply. 

“They have some neuroses, sure, but we don’t know if that’s because they’re our kids or if they’re part of the first wave.”

“If I sit on a rock that’s really really old I get a headache and then pass out.” You supplied helpfully. “And Caelus ran into a lady when we were walking down the street and started crying because she was gonna get hit by a car and die the next week.”

The conversation continued on, talking about waves and compulsions, and something about calamity math but at that point you were bored and ran off to play with the other kids. In these dreams you wonder if your memories are really that vague, or if someone is keeping something from you. 

You have a very good memory, after all.

.

.

.

.

[RECENT PAST]

“Your powers are such bullshit.” Silver Wolf grumbled from her nest of computers in her garage. Firefly and Blade were in the driveway trying to get Silver Wolf’s old motorhome running as it was old enough that even her powers didn’t work on it. 

“You’ve got no records in any database whatsoever, and then bang, you and your brother show up when you’re sixteen, they make a guess that you’ve got some fairly strong sixth wave powers, you can make temporary doppelgangers and your brother can do short range teleportation, and leave it at that.”

Both Stelles nodded, feeding each other chips. 

“But now you’re telling me that you’ve been scamming the IPC’s intelligence network the entire time and your power is actually controlling time?”

“Exactly.” They said in unison.

“I’ve met bricks smarter than you, how did you keep this a secret?!”

“Kafka, time?” the present Stelle asked.

“One hundred and six seconds.”

“I’d love to stay and finish this conversation but I’ve got to go so I can keep up the funniest running gag in the history of humankind.” Past Stelle said, trading seats with her future. “Ciao!”

If anyone else in the room could feel the flow and pressure of time, their ears would have popped as one of the Stelles vanished from existence. Silver Wolf was getting a migraine for an entirely different reason. “You’re breaking every law of physics for the stupidest gag I’ve ever seen.”

“Well I’m glad I didn’t hear that before I leapt through time, it would have killed my motivation to do the bit!” 

“You can also…” Silver Wolf checked the sloppily written post-it note Stelle had handed her. “Walk away from getting hit by a car free of injury, as well as move both completely silently and invisibly… Because of time manipulation…”

“Oh, I forgot to write that I can also heal-” Stelle stopped talking when she saw the look Silver Wolf was giving her. “I mean… yes, exactly, that’s the extent of all my powers and I’m not just saying that so I can come back and give you more information when you don’t look like you’re in literal pain.”

Silver Wolf chose to ignore that. “Listening to you talk about your powers is like listening to someone who controls water but claims they primarily blow things up in a giant ball of fire because water is actually flammable.”

“But… that is how you should fight if you control water, right? Just heat it up a little and rip it apart and you've got a really nasty explosion.” Stelle was confused why something that seemed so obvious to her was unthinkable to Silver Wolf.

“Who has been teaching you about powers, Nanook??” 

“Who’s Nanook?”

“Who's… Kafka, is she being serious?” Silver Wolf turned her incredulous gaze back to Stelle. “Ruin’s author, the supreme executioner, ruler of the Lords Ravager, the cursed wish granter, is any of this sounding familiar to you? They made the Stellarons, the things this group is dedicated to hunting down?”

“Ah, right, this.” Kafka sighed.

“Oh! I know all about the Stellarons, they first appeared roughly 70 years ago, they can actually grant wishes but in a subversive cursed way, and Oversight had exclusive rights to use them and did so frequently until the Belabog disaster which froze an entire continent and caused a world wide food shortage.” 

Stelle took a deep breath before she continued. “It's theorized that they grant wishes by distorting and reversing causality without completely breaking it via the calamity offset equation. A lesser known fact is that it's possible to almost entirely remove unexpected negative side effects by narrowing specific aspects of the wish in scope and explicitly including some drawbacks in the wish itself.”

Silver Wolf stared in shock. “I'm pretty sure half of that was information that nobody knows or is so secret it's kept on physical documents in a Faraday cage.” She was absolutely getting a migraine. “I've never heard of some of that stuff and I'm the best hacker in the world. Kafka, what the fuck?”

Kafka gave Stelle an affectionate scratch on the head. “Our Stelle here is an unexpected treasure trove of information you can't find anywhere else, and no, I don't know where she gets it from. The only thing is, she can't remember anything about Nanook for longer than ten minutes, and her childhood is a complete mystery.”

“Those are some really weird limitations.” 

“I've been trying to find a workaround, but it seems like the only way past it is if she's with her brother, and he’s missing sometime in the future.”

“Can you two stop talking about me like I'm not sitting right between you?” Stelle looked back and forth feeling like an abandoned dog. “It's really mean.” 

“She's my big mystery box,” Kafka smiled then returned to her gentle scratches for Stelle. Stelle pouted for a bit before she finally gave in and leaned into Kafka’s hand. “Elio says as long as we stick to his scripts, Stelle here will eventually come face to face with Nanook and find all that she's lost.”

“That's the other thing. I know I joined a week ago, but I still haven't come to terms with the fact that our boss is a talking cat.”

.

.

.

.

[PRESENT DAY, PRESENT TIME]

“Your powers are such bullshit.” March 7th said unprompted one day. 

Stelle wasn't sure where this came from, she was doing her mandated community service hours and wasn't even slacking off. She'd already collected three full bags of trash. They were at some memorial park or other. This one had a monument to remember all the victims that had died to a dragon attack that had apparently appeared there out of nowhere.  “Any particular reason you've decided to attack me?”

“Watching you pick up trash reminded me of your second escape.” March shuddered at the memory. “They made me watch the security footage, you know. It was traumatizing.”

“Oh yeah!” Stelle laughed at the memory. “That was a good one. It really hurt though, and it was messier than I thought it was gonna be.”

“You cut off your hand to get out of the bracelet!” 

“I put it back on!” Stelle was a little offended that a little dismemberment was all it took to traumatize a correctional facility staff member. Then again, this was the ‘talk to people before you have to put them down’ facility, not the ‘lobotomize them immediately’ one. “There wasn't even any mess left! Besides, you can bring ice sculptures to life and make them talk, yours feel like they're pretty bullshit too.”

“Whatever. You're done with your hours, let's just go.” March said, taking in the sights with a deep stretch. No obvious massive pieces of trash were left so there wasn't a need to extend their stay, but Stelle’s eyes were locked onto the memorial across the park. March looked over and then back to Stelle in confusion. There was nothing there. “You okay?

Blade was there. A different Blade. He was there, halfway disemboweled, and he was dying but March didn't see it. Stelle watched her old friend slowly push his intestines back into his body before some unseen healing force not entirely his own began to knit him back together. “I think my eyes are tired.” The phantom Blade looked like he was having a conversation with an unseen partner. “I might actually be getting sick.”

“Well, don't sneeze on me. My ‘bullshit’ powers don't include healing”

The ride back to the correctional facility was silent. Sure, Stelle had started seeing and hearing things that weren't there lately, flashes of a blond man around Welt, the mirage of an older, colder looking version of Dan Heng around Dan Heng, a flower of crystal ice surrounding March, and the images of a shorter person with two braids so thick they could be mistaken for exaggerated rabbit ears occasionally around Himeko. 

But this was the first time she'd seen someone she'd known. She didn't know what it meant, she’d barely even begun to process it when they arrived back at the facility. There were far more people in the entrance corridor than Stelle was used to, and she jumped with a start when March slapped her palm to her forehead. “That's right, we were getting a new resident today.”

Stelle saw the name “Dan Shu” on intake paperwork as March maneuvered them both through who must have been the escort team. People in lounge suits and tang suits filled the corridor, each of them in three different phone calls and yelling at each other at the same time. The poor blue haired receptionist boy looked like he was at his wit’s end.

“Exscuse us, pardon- coming through please!” At first March holding onto Stelle’s arm served as a reminder of how little trust she currently had as she was brought into the lobby. Now though, Stelle had become the lone pillar of support that kept March from being bowled over and trampled on by a bunch of irate middle managers.

There was a tiny clack sound from a folding fan snapping shut. At once, every single suit in the lobby went still and silent. A wordless order had been given and no one had dared ignore it. 

“Thank you.” A cheery, feminine voice said, ringing clear as a bell in the now silent lobby. The sea of suits parted, finally giving March room to regain her footing, as a brunette foxian woman in a qipao approached them. 

“I'm terribly sorry for the commotion. You must be Miss March and Miss Stelle. My name is Tingyun, it's a pleasure to meet both of you!”

Stelle wasn't looking at the woman. She was looking at the ghostly echoes of herself and Caelus clinging to the woman who stared back at her. They couldn't have been older than nine or ten. Little Caelus opened his mouth.

“****** can we go to the food fair with *********? *** said we had to ask you before they would answer.” 

With every word her little, little brother said, Stelle’s vision swam. Her mouth felt hot and wet, her nose was bleeding she realized. March was saying something, Tingyun too, but she couldn't hear or understand them. Little Stelle opened her mouth, her eyes were more vibrant somehow. Like the cancer that twisted and freed the world from its order and flaws.

“Please, ******? Caelus and I won't let go of each other's hands the whooooole time. If we did, I wouldn't be any better than a fucking moron who let her brother get eaten by the future. Then she let her new family die so badly they didn't even find any bodies. Now she’s all alone and too scared to let anyone else get close. She'd be better off dead.”

“I think I should take a nap.” Stelle said as she dropped like a sack of potatoes.

[back2bluesidex]

To Be Popular - JJK [Chapter 2]

Pairing: Social Media Influencer! Jungkook X Marketing Manager! Reader ft. Yoongi

Summary:

You love everything about social media - apart from the ever-growing number of social media influencers. You don't understand how these people gain followers and admirers just by installing a camera and doing very basic things in front of it. And you despise how some of them can do anything to gain fame, to be popular - even if it includes uploading their bedroom scene in pornsites aka people like Jeon Jungkook.But when your company launches a new product and your department head tasks you with signing Jeon Jungkook up as an endorsement partner - you have no choice but to chase him like the corporate slave that you are. However, things turn worse when you embroil in a dating rumor with him and have to keep the game going for the sake of everything.is it really for the worse or things will turn in a way you never expected it to?  

Theme: Strangers to lovers au, fake dating au, kind of enemies to lover au, angst, smut, fluff.

Full Series Word Count: 26k

Chapter word count: 5k+

Warnings: tiny flirting, argument, that's all.

Masterlist | Patreon (For access to the complete series)

Taglist requests are open.

Minors, I am not responsible for what you consume online. So, act more rationally and stay away.

Chapter index: -

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

Drabbles: Imposter in the club

Or read the full series right away on Patreon!!

Only twice in your life did you have the need to sign contracts. 

First time was your employment contract, the second time was your house lease contract. 

The third contract turns out to be something that you didn’t even have the wildest dreams about - a dating contract. 

That too, with a person you seemingly get irked by very often.

 You have gone through the documents almost every day this past week, so much so that now you can recite the terms and conditions as fluently as your phone number. 

The contract is pretty standard if you are being honest. There is only one term that you added: “Kisses are not allowed”. And it seems like both Seokjin and Jungkook have no issues accepting your only term. 

However, your hands feel clammy all of a sudden when you are about to sign the papers. The thoughts of being under the limelight scares you. 

And being Jeon Jungkook’s girlfriend means a lot of limelight in social media. 

“You okay?” Kim Seokjin asks, perceiving your hesitation in signing the papers. 

“Yeah.. I am just.. You know… don’t know what to expect from all these.” you voice. 

Seokjin places an assuring hand on top of yours, with a little squeeze he says, “you can trust me, Y/N. I will do my best to keep your private life private. Jungkookie is not a bigshot anyway but yes I know there are risks of privacy breach, which will be my department to handle.” 

You feel an odd sense of relief injected by the man’s silver voice. 

But it seems like you spoke too soon because, “what’s up you two?” Jungkook appears from nowhere. He eyes the place where Seokjin has his hand on top of yours and narrows his eyes at you. 

“You are late.” Seokjin directs his authoritative voice towards Jungkook. Jungkook sits down on the chair beside him and starts chugging down water. His Adam's apple bobs like a sin. 

You distract yourself from the scene by signing the papers finally. 

“Now it’s your turn.” Seokjin extends the paper towards Jungkook, who without a second thought takes it and signs it. 

For a moment you wonder how he manages to stay disconnected from every worry? 

You are as much of a stranger as he is to you. But still, he didn’t hesitate to sign like you did. Maybe this is another reason why you dislike Jeon Jungkook? Because he gets to be care-free while you have to care for every single move you make. 

See for an instance - once you dared to pull an act of bravery and it landed you on a dating deal with Jeon Jungkook. 

How fucking funny!

Your fingers tap on your laptop keyboard as you open the email sent by Jungkook’s agency. It’s a full fledged schedule for your and Jungkook’s first month of appearance. 

And that starts tomorrow. 

As for tomorrow, you will have to visit a cozy cafe with your supposedly boyfriend and get caught by paparazzi. Once you become talk of the media then the company will go ahead and publish an official statement. 

Things will continue like this for five months. During the sixth month your appearances will slow down and at the beginning of the seventh month, the agency will confirm the break up. 

Sounds pretty clean. 

During these seven months Jungkook will be done with the endorsement deal with your company as well. Hence, there is no need of working with him afterwards, which is a pleasant news to be honest. 

So now that you are already in the mess, you should as well taste the water and see what it brings for you. 

“You sure will be okay with it? Do you want me to tag along and keep an eye?” Jimin’s concerned voice rings in your ear. 

You are so thankful that the universe gifted him to you in the form of a best friend. From high school till now, there was hardly a day when Jimin didn’t text you, asked what you were up to, let you know what he was doing. 

He is that one friend who never got away. 

“I will be fine. Don’t worry. Go and enjoy your time, do something fun.” you add. No matter how tempting his offer is, you don’t want him to ruin his Sunday to look after you while you are on a playdate. 

“But Y/N-” 

“Jimin, I will be fine! I will keep updating you, okay?” 

He sighs on the other side making you chuckle. “Okay. but do keep me updated.” 

“Yes. appa. Yes.” 

You check yourself once upon cutting the call.

Yeah, you look presentable. Hopefully paparazzies won’t have any issues with your sober dressing sense. 

Once again your head bobs in the direction from where Jungkook’s car should be emerging. But you find none. 

He is late. 

Great. Another reason to hate Jeon Jungkook. 

Just when you are about to pluck your phone out and throw a text towards him, you hear the rumbling sound of an engine. 

More specifically the sound of Jungkook’s bike. 

He comes to stop where you are standing under a bus stop shade and extends a helmet towards you. 

You are way too busy grasping that you miss the object being offered to you. 

“Do I have to ride this with you?” you point at his bike. 

“It’s called a bike. And yes, you are going to ride it with me.” Jungkook thrusts the helmet towards you again. 

“Thanks for letting me know what it is called. But are you sure I will be in functioning condition by the time we reach?” 

“Don’t worry, my dear girlfriend, I will take care of ya.” he gives you a cheesy grin. 

If something flips inside your chest, then it’s better to put off the subject and focus on the fake date ahead. 

So, you put on the helmet, hop on his bike, and place your hands on his shoulders. 

“Be careful, it's hot down there. Spread your legs a little more.” Jungkook warns. 

You know, it’s about the bike but the implications of his words sets your face on a battle of blush. 

Managing your gut and composure you reply with an affirmative sound. 

“Did you… cut your hair?” Now that Jungkook has stripped off his helmet and is sitting relaxed before you, you can see the difference in his hairstyle from what you saw yesterday. 

“Yeah. All by myself. I even live streamed it. How do I look?” You can see Jungkook’s face lighting up as soon as you mention his new hairstyle. 

“You look like a twelve year old. Cute.” and you are genuine with your words. He looks less mischievous and certainly not like someone who would fuck on camera.

The tip of his ears turn pink when he registers your compliment. 

Clearing his throat a little he says, “what should we order?” 

“A flat white for me. And that cheese cake, strawberry one.” you say, awkwardly peeking at the menu, which is currently under Jungkook’s scrutiny.   

You hear him chuckling and when you follow that sound, you find him staring down at you. His crinkled eyes, baby-like fringe, bunny-teeth on display and that beautiful smile makes him look like a completely different person. 

He doesn’t look like the Jungkook you used to dislike. 

And that spreads something warm under your skin. You start smiling at him without noticing yourself. 

“Isn’t that Jeon Jungkook?” a second female voice comes from a little distance. 

“Oh my god. Yes. and who is he with? Isn’t he dating that bully girl? Doona or Dana?” 

“What? No. didn’t you see his viral videos from the club? That girl is his rumored girlfriend. They seemed to have a fight that night but I guess they are good now?” 

“Oh really?” 

Even though the spectators are trying to be discreet and silent with their gossip, they are anything but. 

When you look in their direction, your eyes lock with one of them. She quickly turns away and types something on her phone. 

Something reaches out for your hand that is placed on the table top. 

It’s Jungkook’s own hand. 

He wraps his big palm around yours and interlaces his fingers with yours. With a sickeningly sweet smile he says, “the act has started, we should jump into characters now.” 

You tighten your fingers around him and reply, “of course we should.” 

However, you are still unsure about where you will be after six months of this play. Will you be friends with Jeon Jungkook? Or will you end up being more?  

“But how did you let Kim Doona come between you two if you were seeing each other?” 

By the time you and Jungkook managed to come out of the cafe that day, it was already a mess. At least ten different people were trying to get your face properly, five others were trying to get a shot of your and Jungkook's intertwined hands and others were clicking pictures not-so-secretly. 

By the time you were home, your photos were all over Jungkook’s fandom’s insta profiles. 

And when the bomb (aka the official statement from the agency) dropped, your phone flooded with questions after questions.

You didn’t answer any. 

Nonetheless, the questions reappeared, this time directly, as soon as you stepped into your workplace on Monday. 

And this question in particular - it was the mostly asked one and you were ready for it. 

Your colleague nudges you again, “come on, tell me, why did you let him fuck the other girl if you were dating him?” 

“I wasn’t dating him back then.” you reply confidently, of course you had your own share of practice. “We used to be friends. But you know… friends with feelings. So yeah.. I was kinda pissed at him.” 

She makes an O shape with her mouth. 

“Is that why you lashed out on him during the meeting? I mean I heard that you…” she doesn’t end her sentence. 

These people really work less and gossip more. You nod. 

“Who confessed though? You or him? Oh- wait! Did you confess at the club? Is that why you two were seen fighting?” she throws her rapid-fire questions at you. 

But you are pleased. It worked out the way you wanted. You didn’t have to tell the story, she completed it all by herself. 

“Yup.” you popped the ‘P’ very enthusiastically. 

“Wow! You are living a fan-fiction, girl, a proper friends to lovers au.” she squeals in her seat, “mind if I post the story on my insta? I wanna use my colleague privilege card.” 

You think for a moment. If she spreads the story herself, it will be better for you. You won’t have to recite it all again and again. So you murmur a little “go ahead” and let her click a selfie with you. 

Your computer dings with a notification from Yoongi. He is asking you to come to his cabin. 

Great. Another round of interviews. 

“I just checked the campaign schedule. It’s efficient as always. Good job, Y/N.” Yoongi’s praise brings a smile to your lips.

You murmur a little thank you with a small smile playing on your lips. 

Every time Yoongi praises your work, your insides flip. But sometimes you wish for those praises to come as ‘you look good today’, ‘your dress looks nice’ and stuff like that. 

Even though that brings a sinking feeling temporarily, that doesn’t stay for long. 

“By the way..” it’s coming, it’s coming, “how did you and Jeon Jungkook end up together? As much as I can assume, you two met each other during the meeting for the first time.” 

This. This is not what you prepared yourself for. 

You didn’t think Yoongi would be too interested in knowing your relationship history, so you wouldn’t have to explain anything to him. But not only is he interested, he seems to be pretty observant of things as well. 

Now you can’t tell him the fake story you just told your colleague nor can you tell him that the entire thing is fake. 

So you clear your throat, “it just…. Happened.” 

“Just happened? You seemed to be pretty livid about his existence that day?” your cute manager gives you a lopsided smile. 

“But then you sent me behind him, to convince him or whatever. And things happened.” you turn your confidence up yet again. 

He quirks a brow at you, “things happened after that club incident, huh?” 

He is right. But not the way he is thinking himself to be right.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” you reply, as you collect the files with the details of the campaign and proceed to leave his cabin. 

“The photoshoot starts next week, don’t be lovey-dovey on the set.” he teases you on your way back. 

You only roll your eyes at the door. 

Second fake date is: hanging out at a bar after work. 

But you don’t drink on weekdays. 

So that lands you on a negotiation and the date is fixed on the Friday of the same week. 

You wait for Jungkook at the entrance of your work complex, a place where people would be able to see you getting on his bike very clearly. A strategy to make things public. 

But what comes to pick you up is not a bike but a car. 

A sleek black car that makes heads turn as it comes to stop in front of you. 

For a moment, you think the driver is mistaking you for someone else. 

But then the diver’s door opens and Jungkook comes out, wearing a black buttoned down with a pair of ripped jeans. 

Your eyes are now the size of saucers. 

You once gulp as you see Jungkook smiling brightly at you. 

“Hey baby. Sorry I’m late. Let’s go.” he says sweetly. And you wonder how good of an actor he is. 

“H-hi. It's okay. Yeah, let's go.” you reply in haste, trying to school your dumbfounded expression. 

You let him lead you inside the car with a hand on the small of you back. He lets every passerby see his face, under the street lights, as if he is very proud showing you off. 

Fake. It's fake. You remind yourself. 

“You know, you are a good actor.” you voice your thoughts once Jungkook settles inside the car, 

He chuckles, “yeah? Learned from Jin hyung. He used to be an acting major. Have been seeing him acting to be polite with his shareholders for all the years.” 

The fondness in his eyes at the mention of the other male is so clear. You can’t help but smile. You have perceived the same glow on Jin’s face too. 

“You two really adore each other, don’t you?” 

“Yeah. You can say that. I would be wandering around the streets of Busan if it wasn’t for him.” you hear the underlying darkness in his voice and decide to poke no further on this matter. 

“So, you are telling me that you made this story all by yourself? And this actually ended up making sense?” Jungkook is pointing at his phone, which has your colleague's insta post plastered on the screen. 

“I told you. I am good at my job. Moderating success stories is a part of our marketers’ job.” you shrug. Your shoulders are already a lot loose after a few drinks. 

Your head is on the cloud. 

You feel good. 

And Jungkook is being less cocky today, which is helping you relax even more. 

Jungkook hums, “Great. The act is going well so far.” 

Jungkook starts scrolling on his phone again, focusing on something very hard. After a moment of silence he says, “I won’t lie, we look good together.” 

There is a smug smile playing on his lips. 

You groan, “I thought you quit being cocky for this evening.” 

“Hey! I am not being cocky. Look at these photos.” he protests, poking his phone towards you. 

“I have seen those, Jungkook. And I don’t think I look good with you. You and I are totally two different individuals, from every single aspect. You match with someone like.. Like Kim Doona.” 

Jungkook’s eyes shut for a second, “there is no point of saying this now. I missed my shot with her because someone decided to barge in my perfectly comfortable and peaceful life.” 

“Wait. You had a thing for her?” you sit up straight on your chair. 

“I still do.” Jungkook empties his glass in a sip. 

You would have fought him and told him how you saved from a prolonged controversy, but you are feeling light-headed. You are feeling good. So you will be nice for just once. 

“Well… I am sorry then. I know how it feels to have an unrequited crush.” you sigh, recalling Yoongi’s pretty face, “sorry.” 

Jungkook seems to be caught off-guard with your changed demeanor. 

“It’s okay.” he adds, “you have a crush on that manager, don’t you?” 

The fuck? 

“How the fuck do you know this now?” your eyes go big for the second time today. 

“Come on, Y/N. Anyone with eyes can tell. The way you stiffed when he caught you and me at the parking lot.” he giggles. 

“Ok. That's enough. Let’s go home. I feel sleepy.” you stand abruptly from your chair, swaying a little (thanks to the alcohol in your bloodstream). 

Jungkook stands up too, wraps a hand around your bicep and mutters a small ‘careful’ in your ear.

“By the way… don’t you think you have to call a designated driver?” you ask on the way out of the bar. 

“Jin hyung has us covered.” he shrugs. 

On the way back home you look at the fleeting landscapes out of the car window. For some unknown reason… you feel upset. 

You had a pretty good evening. No matter how much you hate to admit it, Jungkook is a fun company. 

You two would bicker endlessly, then would slip into serious topics like economy and politics, and then all of a sudden you would talk about your favorite drinks. 

He really doesn’t seem like that Jungkook you used to dislike. 

But there is something that’s bothering you. And you can’t put a finger at it. 

The car comes to a stop in front of your apartment. You wave a quick goodbye to Jungkook, who has been busy on his phone all the way back, and climb out of the car. 

As you take small swaying steps towards your entrance, you hear the car door shutting loudly and then in turn Jungkook’s voice, “won’t you give me a goodnight kiss, girlfriend?”  

You don’t know what possessed you. It can be the alcohol, can be your bad judgment, can be the sinking feeling in your chest and the desperate need of feeling something, anything - that makes you turn around. 

You march towards Jungkook without thinking twice, standing chest to chest with him. 

All the mischief drains from his face when you grab him by the collar of his shirt and smash your lips on his. 

It should have been over in a second or two. 

But what's worse is that Jungkook is pulling you close by your waist and deepening the kiss already. 

Hope you don’t regret this when you are sober. 

There were twelve terms in your dating contract. 

You added one. 

And you breached that very one. 

The screen of your phone goes blank as you groan again for the nth time. Every time you open Instagram, all you see is you kissing Jungkook standing on the damn fucking road! 

You two were being followed by the paps that night, which was obviously a part of the plan, and you, being clearly too drunk to think straight, kissed Jeon Jungkook on his lips! 

And now those photos are circulating like wildfire. 

Jimin texted you, asking for a clarification. 

Seokjin texted with three teasing thumbs up. 

And Jungkook texted with probably a thousand of ‘ㅋ’s. 

All you want now is for the ground to split in half so that you can jump in there and die. That’s the best possible solution for whatever the fuck is going on in your pathetic excuse of a life. 

Your phone dings with another notification and you swear to turn it off if it’s another mention in another insta post or another threatening DM from Jungkook’s crazy fans. 

But it seems like the universe is trying to be even more cruel with you, because it’s a reminder of your schedule for the day - which is another date day with the root of your problems - Jeon Jungkook. 

And today, you will have to spend time at his home, click pretty selfies and photos together highlighting how domestic you two are and post those in social media from both ends. 

When you are about to go back groaning, you receive another notification. 

It’s a text from Seokjin, “the car will be there in an hour.” 

“Welcome to my home, girlfriend.” Jungkook grins stupidly as he spots you at his door. You really want to grab a frying pan and bang it on his stupidly round head. 

“Don’t call me that when there’s no one to hear.” you reply grumpily walking inside Jungkook’s luxurious apartment. 

You really want to know how much these influencers make monthly to afford an apartment like this. 

“I call you that for you to hear, baby.” His cheesy remarks are just too much to take, so you just roll your eyes at him. 

“Do you want anything? Tea? Coffee? Juice? Or maybe a kiss?” there he goes. 

This is what you were dreading! The moment you were sober enough to judge your actions, you knew Jungkook will be having a field day the moment he sees you. 

And here you go. 

But but but - you aren’t alone in this. You definitely kissed him first but he, too, kissed you back. So he needs to go down with you. 

“Oh why not, you definitely liked kissing me a little too much.” you bite back. But your words don't affect Jungkook at all. The smirk that he was sporting doesn’t go anywhere. It only grows more sinister. 

“Of course I did. Are you telling me you didn’t?” 

Now this is another thing that you were dreading to admit - that you actually enjoyed kissing him. His lips felt good on yours. 

But you have been trying to convince yourself that it’s because of the alcohol swimming in your veins, even though you know it’s nothing but an excuse. 

“Shut up!” you huff, hoping that Jungkook doesn’t notice the sudden rush of red on your cheeks, “let’s take some photos so that I can leave.” 

“What?” Jungkook is now genuinely confused and you can see it on his face, “Do you really want to leave? I thought we were cooking together? I decided to live stream it.” 

“Me and live stream? Are you kidding? There was no mention as such on the schedule plan?” you are sure all the colors of your face have drained with just one mention of a live stream. 

You hate being the center of attention. 

“Yeah but I improvised just as you did last day by kissing me.” Jungkook shrugs. 

Where the fuck is the frying pan? 

“Okay. I am leaving. Bye.” you haste towards the door. 

Jungkook giggles like a baby, grabbing your wrist and stopping you mid-tracks. 

“Okay okay. I am sorry. I promise not to tease you anymore if you say yes to the live stream.” 

“You promise?” you quirk an eyebrow facing him. 

“I promise.” 

You don’t even know if saying yes to Jungkook’s improvisation was a good idea or a bad one. 

There are reasons it’s both good and bad. 

Good because Jungkook is not teasing or unnecessarily being smug with you anymore. Bad because he is hovering way too close to your body for you to keep being sane. 

The kitchen is big enough, but half of the space is being used to put down cameras and a laptop. On top of that you two have to be crammed in a small space where both of your figures are being perfectly visible to the viewers. 

You are mostly quiet, playing your part, cooking as you are supposed to. 

But Jungkook is in his element. 

He is so natural in front of the cameras that it feels as if he was born to do so. 

Jungkook interacts with the viewers, reads their comments once in a while, smiles, laughs, and makes jokes. Under the light and darkness of the kitchen - he looks so youthful, so radiant that you feel a weird coil in your chest. 

Whenever he brushes past you, you get a whip of his perfume - an earthy, woody tone with a hint of citrus. 

His hair falls on his eyes - unmade - unlike all the other times you have seen him. 

This - whatever this is - you don’t like it. 

“Why is your girlfriend being so silent?” Jungkook reads a comment from the laptop. You pay half mind to him, occasionally smile a little. 

But within a moment, Jungkook slides behind you. 

He puts his big-ass hands on your waist, places his face on your shoulder and says, “baby, why are you being so silent?” 

If you are seeing things right then his lower lip juts out while he tries to coax an answer out of you. 

Your heart starts beating abnormally fast. 

“O-oh.. I- It’s my first time being in a live stream… so yeah.” you proceed to flip the omelet, focusing on the food and food only. 

“You guys heard that? She’s nervous. Don’t scare my girl away.” Jungkook fakes anger. 

You release the breath you were holding when he finally removes himself from you. 

You are now seriously afraid of the outcome of this fake dating contract of yours. 

“Hate to say this but” you take in a deep deep breath “this is actually very delicious. Good job." You point your chopsticks at the carbonara that Jungkook prepared. 

“Really?” he seems to be taken aback with your compliment “Thanks. Glad that you like it.” 

“By the way, you remember you have a shoot with us tomorrow, right?” you change the topic to a more serious one. 

“I do. Will your crush slash manager be there too?” his eyes stay boring in the carbonara. You honestly don’t know why Jungkook is curious about Yoongi all of a sudden. 

“Probably. Why though?” 

“Will try not to piss him off while acting.” he shrugs. 

You scoff at that “he won’t be pissed. He doesn’t reciprocate, you know.” 

“Are you sad about that?” Jungkook’s tone is a tad bit softer now. 

“Not really. It’s not that I am in love with him or something. It’s a stupid crush, and will go away with time.” 

“Have you ever tried asking him out?” 

“Not really.” 

“Then, have you ever asked him to hook up with you?” 

You choke on your omelet. 

“What- the fuck” you cough “no! Why would I ask him something like that?” 

“Why won’t you though? Don’t you want to have sex with him? I mean you like him, it’s only natural.” Jungkook explains matter-of-factly. 

“No. it’s not natural for me. I need to be at least friends with a person to have sex. And I am not friends with Yoongi. We barely even talk out of work.” 

“Oh.” Jungkook thinks for a moment “So that guy friend of yours - what was his name again… Jimin? Is he your…” 

“Oh my god, Jungkook! No! I am not currently sleeping with anyone. I have not had sex for like eighteen months.”  It's your frustration which is speaking now. 

“What? Wait! What are you? A nun?” Jungkook’s eyes go wide at your admission. 

Embarrassment eats you away, like you were eating the carbonara a few minutes ago, “I- I mean. I am not that horny.” 

“Then… Do you want to sleep with me?” 

At first you think you misheard it. So you stare at Jungkook with big eyes. 

His expression is rather serious and you hate how it affects you. 

“What did you just say?” you finally let your voice be heard. 

“You heard me.” 

“Jungkook, please stop kidding. This is not funny.”

“I am serious.” he sighs. 

“Look. I can’t go around and sleep for fun since we have an act going on here. You, too, seem like you need to blow off some steam. And honestly, tell me where is your benefit from all these? It’s your company that’s ripping the fruit, not you.” 

Jungkook’s words register in your brain. He makes perfect sense. You have no benefits whatsoever from all these. 

“It’s just an offer, you can decline it if you want but… we can- we can have some fun like adults. No one has to know, nothing will get fucked up since we are not even close to begin with.” Jungkook reasons. 

He is right. You have nothing to lose if things go down and this won’t be the first time having casual sex with someone you know. There is absolutely no risk, no feelings on the line. 

Should you really consider the idea? 

The scenes from that grainy video start clouding your brain. 

A tiny voice in your mind says, “why not?” 

read the full series right away on Patreon!! (Start from part 7)

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[dramadramallama]

Final thoughts and trying to organize my feelings around Heesu In Class 2.

It truly felt like a "regular," quality kdrama, except for one thing. One very important thing: two of the main characters are gay, and endgame. Like, I don't think we realize how unthinkable a (mainstream) Korean show like this was, just two or three years ago.

It might not be 100% faithful to the source material but it is 100% faithful to the story it sets out to tell. It had a clear direction from the start, hit the mark several times, and never lost sight of that finish line: @lurkingshan and @twig-tea put it very succinctly and pertinently when they said the drama had, respectively, "a legible narrative" and was "carefully calibrated."

On top of that, it has a great re-watch value with a lot of blink and you'll-miss-it details, and beautiful direction. A lot of care went into how the scenes are set up and shot and it shows.

I completely understand that some people might prefer a drama with a different, more "targeted" focus (i.e literally everything converging towards Hee-su narratively) but that doesn't mean anything else is automatically wrong/bad. I feel like you can find that elsewhere so easily; it's just not that kind of story. I also think it's such a restrictive way of looking at things... Gay romance does not need to be locked in the confines of your average BL. I don't want to watch the same arbitrary BL tropes being applied like it's the law. How boring. We finally have a high budget, high quality Korean drama with—I cannot stress this enough—A GAY TITLE CHARACTER that gets the same treatment a straight coming of age romance kdrama would... and I, for one, am delighted in, and celebrate the creative liberties they took. It was a risk, but it paid off.

It only feels like other characters take "too much space/time" away from Seung-won and Hee-su than they actually do because 1. the show has a longer runtime, and more episodes and 2. the show does not follow the "classic" boys love formula. Hee-su does not exist in a bubble where everything that happens happens only TO HIM. However what happens around him definitely serves to highlight his struggles, his fears, or his emotions in general. I'd go even further and say that not everything happening in relation to Hee-su has to be about Seung-won... Characters can exist outside of their love interests. It's one of the reasons the drama felt so well-rounded to me.

Hee-su is the hero of this drama, but the show does a wonderful job of reminding us the other characters are not NPCs, not puppets, not props. And they also are orbiting around their own centers, and that does not diminish Heesu's character or his relationship with Seung-won. In fact, the drama makes a point of underlining how extraordinary it is that they (tiny specks of stardust) could find each other (in the vastness of the universe).

I love metaphors and the cosmic theme threaded through the episodes was just the cherry on top. I don't want to focus too much on the criticism I've read for the show but I will admit that most of what seemed to rub people the wrong way is actually what made it special to me.

Yes, we get more perspective from different points of view, and we get to see the other characters struggle and grow up too, but the drama never loses sight of, or erase Hee-su. It's more like the narrative sometimes switches to a broader lens, and we have access to a wider spectrum of colors. Everything (Hee-su included) gets to feel more three dimensional. When ep1 and 2 aired, I said the show felt "full" but maybe a better way to put it would be that it's not flat.

I can argue about it ad nauseam, but the matter of the fact is Hee-su is The Main Character, and he's GAY, very GAY, and it's his story and his struggles being told. The actors did a wonderful job and made me feel so much. And it ends well!

It was lovely.

[amphitriteswife]

Goo dating headcanons

💸 Dating goo can be a real roller coaster. A fun roller coaster that is. There could be problems here and there but in his eyes it’s nothing he can’t solve. Yes it is true that sometimes he prioritizes his job over you sometimes. But that’s because his job is very ‘demanding.’ But it pays well, so he hopes you understand.

💸 Fair dates, cinema dates, shopping spree, restaurants, coffee dates and karaoke dates. (Sometimes with jonggun tagging along even though he himself doesn’t want to and goo forced invited him to go) he can’t always make it, but he does make it up to you in one way or another. Always.

💸 if you go to a far date, expect him to scream and yell in every attraction you go to. Yes he’s afraid of heights. Too bad you didn’t know, you have to put with him now. Luckily he don’t throw up. Oh but he WILL try the claw machine’s and not win shit. He spent a lot of money on it too by the way. Bro might start crying. Or just sit on the ground or sum. You might even feel bad for dawg😔

💸 if you are the one to actually win a plushie and give it to him, bro will scream. He’ll immediately hug it and start thanking you. You bet he’s taking pictures of it and posting it on all his socials. Even sending it to groupchats and Jonggun himself with a caption of ‘look what my girlfriend got me hehe😝😈’ and yes he also sends it to you. He’s putting the plush on his bed or in a special shrine he made with a gifts from you.

💸 personally, i think Goo also seems to be a best friend and boyfriend. He would want to be in love and love you if you get what i mean. Ofcourse his best friend is jonggun, but that’s different from how he loves you. A main thing that is important to him is understanding, you don’t need to accept. Just understanding for him is enough.

💸 If you date Goo, it’s high likely that you too are a fan of anime. He doesn’t really mind which type you are. Manga, manhwa, anime, donghua even BL or GL. He doesn’t really care which one you enjoy. He just likes the swords in em you know. He would probably talk for you about his favorites and you about yours. It could be that the two of you read/ watch together of that you made trades on watching each other’s faves. For him it feels like he can share a hobby with you which he appreciates.

💸 I can see you meeting Goo at a bookstore. Both of you at the Manga section eyeing the same manga. You having if in your hands first and Goo demanding that you give it to him with a serious gaze, however his face would twist in mild surprise when you do actually hand it to him. He would say he is joking but you would insist that he can take it, he would find your indifference and calm nature intriguing. He would stare at you for a while you pick at another manga and decide to buy that one instead. You didn’t bother arguing with him because you didn’t think you’ll see him again. Unfortunately, he kept showing up even when he saw you avoid him. Which eventually made him say. ‘Miss. Go on a date with me.’

💸 Goo likes to call you ‘sugar’ or ‘sweetheart.’ Because he thinks you’re lively, sweet, addictive and always lighten his heart. He feels as if he can say anything to you, no matter what it is. Sometimes he even wants to tell you everything about his job, but he knows he can’t because it’ll put you in danger and he can’t risk that. You mean too much to him to make you see the stuff he does.

💸 Now when it comes to you being Goo’s girlfriend. There are a lot of people you don’t know who are in Goo’s life. And he also doesn’t think it would be relevant for you to know all of them. He would probably introduce you to Jonggun who wonders why you haven’t left Goo yet. And maybe James who is rather aloof and is on pretty neutral terms with you. Its save to say that James likes you better than Goo. Jonggun on the other hand doesn’t necessarily engage with you, but does little things like asking you to look after Goo or keeping him on a leash.

💸 Goo would go to concerts with you. Even if he doesn’t listen to the same music as you. He’ll make sure he handles everything from tickets to seats to time stamps. He’s pretty laid back about it too, he has it handled but isn’t stern about it. He’ll buy you merch if that’s what you want, even going as far as to go buy it himself during the concert so that you can still enjoy seeing your artist(s). If it’s in another country he’ll ditch his work probably and still go with you anyway. If the concert has lightsticks you can be rest assured: he already bought those.

I’m sorry it’s short. I ran out ideas😭

[meloriri]

if anyone flames u for this im on the front lines defending u...

the statements "mafumom is an abuser" and "mafumom isn't an explicitly evil character" SHOULD BE ABLE TO CO-EXIST. i think there's this odd double standard people tend to play into with toxic relationships where they are willing to accept the concept of change within couples but not families, when I'd argue that a family makes a lot more sense for that type of story...

you can SYMPATHIZE with mafuyu's mother without saying "this made what she did okay!" you can think that what she did to mafuyu was absolutely inexcusable (it was) and also believe that she is a deeply troubled woman plagued by societal pressure and an unrealistic projection onto her child because to her, mafuyu is the only thing of note she's made. she's a stay at home mom who almost single-handedly raised her kid even in a society that did not respect that at her age and social standing, and somewhere along the way she got too caught up in it all and forgot all about protecting mafuyu, instead focusing on herself and how mafuyu doing well makes her feel better...

you can disagree with that interpretation, sure, but to say that kanade's view of mafumom ISNT skewed is just blatantly ignoring the texts. Like, you didn't even read the event. The thing Kanade is missing is that she can't possibly imagine mafuyu's mother ever bringing any sort of warmth !! of any kind !! but mafuyu and her mother are codependant on eachother and while they most definitely need distance from eachother, mafuyu NEEDS to reconcile with her to have closure in her life!!!! she loves her mom !!! I despise the general idea that people seem to have in fandom of "once you've done one unspeakable act, any attempt at redemption is problematic." because... is that not the human experience??? to learn from our mistakes?? to strive to be better?? should bad people just give up on ever trying to be good and continue being bad just so things are simpler for you to understand??????

sorry for ranting under your post you sparked something in me if u hate this u can shoot dead me btw

What grinds my gears is what when people say that the reason Kana5 is bad due to it trying to make Mafumon sympathetic.

A couple have even gone as far as saying that Kana5 is as bad as Toya5 for the same reason and I-

Look. I deeply understand the idea of abusers being more complicated than simply “evil trash” is hard to comprehend. And I may sound insensitive but,

They need to grow up. They should not let their biases cloud their judgement and assume something is bad just because a piece of media has something they personally don’t like

the difference between harumichi and mafuyumum is their awareness.

harumichi - fully aware of what he is doing, fully aware his son is his own person and does not stop him despite heavy disapproval

mafumum - completely oblivious to what she is doing to mafuyu, projecting an idealised version of mafuyu onto her (and possibly an idealised version of herself)

harumichi working toya to the bone is him applying how he learnt to toya. the intent was not to physically/emotionally harm toya but that is what ended up happening (physical exhaustion is to be expected, he should not have forced toya to keep working but he deals with the same so he probably doesn't think it's a big deal). that said, he is fully aware of the fact he is taking away from toya's childhood, and admits this in concerto that toya's life was not "normal".

mafumum is entirely unaware of her abuse to mafuyu. this is repeatedly made clear in events post sayonara persona. mafudad relays to her what mafuyu tells him and she's incredibly distressed to learn that she'd been hurting mafuyu and she doesn't know what she did wrong. she can be manipulative, but she's not aware that she's being malicious, she thinks she's genuinely doing what's best for her child who she loves. there's also some context clues such as her young age compared to other parents, the fact she doesn't have a job and the fact she's at a lower social standing to her husband that suggest she may also be projecting the life she didn't get onto mafuyu.

harumichi being given the attempted sympathetic backstory doesn't work. he is neglectful towards his son, but is slowly easing out of these ways a little bit. toya has already begun to make ammends without the need for making harumichi sympathetic. he's a bad parent who did a bad thing knowingly.

with mafumum it is justified. in her first appearance, we see her from the biased viewpoint of kanade, who sees her as a cold and neglectful parent towards mafuyu. however from mafuyu's pov, she is a loving mother who is misguided in how she shows this love. this is what unreliable notes is about. mafumum is a bad parent who did a bad thing unknowingly. she is sympathetic because she is a troubled mother coming to terms with the fact she ruined her child's life.

both characters are loved by their children by virtue of them being their parents. the story is going to convey that no matter how bad they are as people. yes, forgiving abusers in fiction is overdone and to some degree unrealistic, however we do not yet know if that is where the story will go. all we know is that there will be a reconciliation. but even if mafumum specifically gets forgiven, it would not be unjustified. i feel like the first impression we get of mafumum from Kanade POV left a strong impact on a lot of people that they can't let go of. the whole point of the current arc is to let that go. the game builds her up as this malicious antagonistic force so that it can deconstruct that when we get to see her from an unbiased POV. she's not a villain like many people make her out to be, she's a human who made a mistake. a very bad and very big mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. she is a loving mother who fucked up really badly because she was too obsessed over perfection to actually see her daughter for who she is.

if the writers try and make us forgive harumichi though fuck them he fucking sucks. like i feel like toya will because he's like that yknow but i don't think the audience should feel sympathetic towards him.

[watermelonlicker]

some harries and louies on twitter said they’d unstan them if larry was real 👀

well we already knew that, those fans hate each other. the closet is designed for them to have a large portion of those kinds of fans so it hurts them once they’re able to come out. why do you think we keep preaching and saying we understand why they’re still closeted and how coming out will not be easy for them in the slightest? how that is bcos of the people who put them there in the first place and those people need to be held accountable and taken out of this industry. their money and power cannot silence the public which is why they need the public divided. if the public was united so many artists who don’t want to play “the industry game” could finally breath and you know… not DIE due to how much they’ve been broken.

like i cannot stress enough that a lot of people’s views are not their own in the sense they are influenced by the media and it’s propaganda. look at harry’s treatment over the years and what they think of him.

when i talk about the music industry so extensively (like it’s the only thing on here im extremely serious about cos otherwise i’m mainly unserious) it’s bcos i want to help the non-larries, the lurkers, and my iwtv mutuals to understand what is happening to us and how the extremely toxic and harmful messages sent to us by hollywood bleeds into the minds of impressionable people. these fans who would unstan bcos larry have somehow managed to give us their entire truths (which they don’t owe us) but is a perfect example of that.

the larries of my era, the heartbreaking majority who are no longer here and driven out mainly due to fandom bullying and exhaustion, tried their absolute HARDEST to educate people on the horrific shit that goes on in the music industry and how it effects the masses and how it’s damaged the boys in the public eye.

this might seem like repetitive speak cos obviously larries consume this day and night but the majority outside the larrie bubble literally do not know a lot of things. take anna todd for example, if some of you don’t know her she is the author of the absolute piece of shit book series called “after” which gets its lashings now of course after the woke movement (and thank god for that) but in 2012/2013 it was extremely popular particularly in the 1d fandom bcos it was a known harry styles fanfiction. this grown ass woman wrote a story not only sexualizing him as a teenager but writing him as a character in her head that was abusive/toxic/manipulative/but sexy in the sheets etc. young girls read this thinking they were getting themselves a harry, thinking they could go up to him and harass him bcos it’s what he wanted and what he said when he loves us. and the thing is… it’s what people believe of harry to this very day. it is why there’s always screeching anons in our inboxes painting him as the villain constantly.

this image that was created for him, and it is a dangerous image, is the complete opposite of harry. a shy queer sweetheart in a long-term committed relationship. the naivety of the teenager is what is preyed on by hollywood and it has led to people always crossing the line with harry. anna todd was a reflection of how pr infects the masses and now she’s a goddamn millionaire profiting off the closeting of a queer man while painting him as the bad boy het loser of her story.

it is an endless mess that we have tried to untangle for harry, to get people to understand the real him, but ultimately nothing will be done until people open their eyes. it’s why he used the matrix imagery for as it was his biggest song to date. the aiw mv literally spoke on how we are in a simulation and harry was dressed in red cos he wants us to take the red pill and WAKE up but most will continue to take the blue pill and keep it moving so they can enjoy their artificial FAKE world to the detriment of him, and so many like him which allows his closeters to remain the masters of the universe. i’m crashing out now and idk why this is long as hell and so far from what you said but yeah… this is our reality and it fucking sucks.

also side note i hope the rumor that harry got a restraining order on anna todd is true BAHAHAHA.

[femmehaljordan]

hii, i really really hate bruce wayne. not even just for him being an abusive bitch but he’s so fucking entitled. it’s like that comment. “spoilt entitled little rich boy.”

he’s never (really) had to work for anything in his entire life, so he’s not going to understand what people of crime alley, the bowery, etc went through and yet he claims that it’s his city. like no the fuck it’s not. i do feel people always wanna make bruce seem like the kind of rich person that oliver is and then end up putting oliver down for that snow birds. it’s been a consistent thing that bruce hits his kids and he never apologises.

and also?? i get that the main villains are a real problem in the city but truly the goons just need money to provide for their families. like willis right? he did it to provide for his wife and son. the writers are always trying to spin the narrative that bruce is almost the saviours of these poor kids and their parents are criminals who don’t deserve children.

there’s also the thing with bruce taking in dick, away from his culture and not even attempting to help him stay connected to his culture. dare i say, that’s neglectful of him.

i overly yapped but i really hate him so so much. i want him dead.

- ☀️ :)

YES YES YSE

ALL OF THIS ALL OF THIS

I’ve mentioned it before but Bruce isn’t from Gotham. Not in the way Jason, and Steph, and Duke, and the Rows are. He doesn’t KNOW.

And the Ollie point. YEAH. YES. I AM SOOOOOO TIRED. FANON BRUCE IS OLIVER. SORRY. if people reference Snowbirds beyond something Roy and Oliver have been healed from for YEARS I want to scream. Bc then they’ll turn around and say Bruce’s abuse is just ooc and doesn’t mean anything.

WILLIS WILLIS GET BEHIND ME NOW. WILLIS I LOVE YOU COME HOME PLEASE. COME KILL BRUCE. But like yeah. He was poor and had to provide for his family so he resorted to crime. People who write him as abusive need to never write again.

And considering a majority of his kids are Not White (canon or headcanon) the “Bruce saved them” stuff also veers veryyyyy quickly into white savior territory. ESPECIALLY with how a lot of people talk about Damian.

DICK BEING REMOVED FROM HIS CULTURE AOUGHHHHH. Life if Raptor had raised him LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE CONSIDERING HES HIS GODFATHER

I hate Bruce Wayne

[swiftiesdestiel]

For the people who have byler doubt/have byler anxiety (which i doubt u do after the leaks we’ve just gotten, but still)

Here’s some stuff that basically confirms byler endgame (imo):

1. The fact that the build up/possibility already exists. Like why would there be a whole ass buildup if byler ends up not being endgame after all (unless it’s queerbait but i sincerely doubt it).

2. The mileven breakup scene is quite happy & kind of celebrates the fact that el broke up with mike and gets to be her own person, however the byler rain scene/fight scene/“break up” scene is much more sentimental and dark, which makes it seem a lot more sad but also a little more important in regards to mike’s storyline.

3. The scene where max sits in front of will and mike (who are in the trunk) and her RAINBOW sleeves perfectly line up with mike and will behind her. Coincidence? I think not

4. The fact that basically all promo posters are mike w will (or the love triangle as a whole) and NOT mike alone w el, which would be the more logical marketing choice if they were the “main” endgame couple.

5. Some tweets of the official stranger things account/netflix account are…….. interesting, to say the least (& they’re hinting at byler/mike being queer a lot!!!!)

6. The way they REDREW that fuckass stick figure drawing el made in the last s4 ep so that it liked up perfectly for both el and byler, implying that el could know something about byler or at least that there’s something going on between them !

7. Mike’s behaviour in s3/s4……. Like c’mon either the writers absolutely hate his guts (& us) or they made him a queer teenager struggling with internalized homophobia while being in love with his best friend who returns those feelings, aka one of the best written characters ever.

8. Sharing glances is a common thing in stranger things, as well as with byler (because they don’t have to communicate with words, they just understand each other because they know each other so well), however mileven has absolutely no shared glances like that. (Idk if this counts as proof, but it was something I noticed and thought it was worth mentioning)

also, we know that el needed the verbal confirmation of mike loving her. She couldn’t see it through his actions, so she needed to hear it from himself.

9. (possible spoilers, if you don’t want to read this just skip to the last point :) —> according to leaked pictures we’ve seen, they’re literally sharing clothes next season .Can they possibly be more couple-y

10. The many, many, many parallels between byler and canon couples

Just like last time, this is just me pointing things out so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally think this is all solid byler endgame proof unless we’re getting queerbaited (which, again, I doubt because the duffers are smart and I just simply do not think there will be any queerbaiting in this show. But what do I know)

Thanks for listening to my ted talk🙏

[bumbled-bees]

The Lily Playbook

(Or: How she runs her spaces and keeps people in line)

I’ve talked a lot on this blog about patterns—how Lily behaves, how she talks, how she spins stories to serve her narrative. But I haven’t fully laid out what it’s like being inside one of her spaces. From the perspective of an average person who stuck around long enough to notice how things worked. So here it is: the Playbook.

Lily doesn’t lead through trust. She leads through pressure. And most of that pressure is unspoken. That’s what makes it effective. She doesn’t always have to say “don’t question me,” because the tone she sets—and the way she handles anyone who steps out of line—makes sure no one else even wants to try.

Step one of the Playbook is positioning herself as the smartest, most correct person in the room. She’ll go on long, authoritative tangents, use big words whether she understands them or not, and say things in the most matter-of-fact tone possible—even when it’s something completely subjective or unproven. And the thing is, if you don’t know better, it’s easy to believe her. You assume she must have done her research. That she wouldn’t say something so confidently unless it were true. That’s the trap. Her audience, especially younger or neurodivergent people, latch onto that certainty. And she counts on that.

Step two is isolating dissent. If you disagree with her, you’re not just “wrong.” You’re talking past her. You’re deliberately misrepresenting her. You’re violating her boundaries. (Boundaries she never actually states clearly, but somehow you’re supposed to have memorized.) It doesn’t matter if your disagreement is polite or rooted in good faith—any challenge to her version of things is seen as a personal attack. And once she’s labeled you a problem, the people around her fall in line.

Because here’s the unspoken rule: Lily doesn’t need to tell anyone to dogpile you. They’ll do it on their own. Not out of malice, but because that’s the environment she builds. You want to stay in her good graces? You learn not to question her. You see what happens to the people who do. The silence of those who disagree becomes a kind of self-policing mechanism. You feel the pressure without her ever needing to say a word.

Another key part of the Playbook is redefining what “abuse” and “accountability” mean to suit her. She doesn’t believe in the cycle of abuse—because acknowledging it would mean admitting she’s capable of harming others, even unintentionally. So instead, she frames all criticism of her as harassment, all reminders of past behavior as stalking, and every attempt to hold her accountable as “um actually-ing” her. It’s why she throws around terms like “boundary violation” even in response to well-meaning messages or neutral questions. It’s why people walk on eggshells around her.

When I was still in her space, I remember feeling this creeping discomfort. Moments where I thought, wait, is that really fair? or that person didn’t even say anything rude. But you learn not to voice it. You see what happens when people do. You see who gets banned, who gets ranted about in vague posts, who gets turned into cautionary tales.

And finally: Lily knows her critiques don’t hold up to serious scrutiny. That’s why she frames anyone who questions her takes as being part of some obsessive “hate mob.” It keeps her audience distrustful of outsiders. It lets her dismiss all criticism—no matter how valid—as just noise. And the people who do stick around end up internalizing that mindset: “Lily’s the one telling the truth. Everyone else is out to get her.”

It’s a playbook built on deflection, defensiveness, and control. And the worst part is, it doesn’t look like that at first. If you’re young, vulnerable, or just looking for someone who “gets it,” she can seem like the voice of reason. But stick around long enough and the cracks start to show.

That’s why I started this blog. Not to speculate, not to gossip, but to document what’s observable. And this—this is the framework I saw in action. Not from the outside looking in, but from the inside slowly stepping back.

If you’re starting to notice these same patterns, you’re not imagining it.

It’s been wild watching it repeat over and over, knowing that I’ve seen these steps firsthand. When you’re in it, it doesn’t feel like a “playbook.” It feels like friendship. Trust. Solidarity. It feels like you’re part of something important.

But when you finally step back? You see the patterns. You see the manipulations. And you see that this whole system is built to serve her, not anyone else.

That’s what the Lily Playbook is.

And once you learn to recognize it, you’ll start seeing it everywhere she goes.

[lightningant]

Hi!! Just finished reading Venom and Valor (amazing so far!) This is my first ever approach to Tomarry, since it ain't really my thing but their dynamic in your fic seemed to good to pass up, and it didn't disappoint 🤭 My question for you is this: personally, why do you think Tom and Harry work/would work as a couple?

Thank you 🤗

I think they're contrarian in ways that don't typically conflict - Tom is eager to dominate when resisted, and Harry digs his heels in and refuses to move when demeaned. This makes for great material in romance, as you get the impression they'd get along great if Tom gave up his contrary attitude, but it's doubtful he'd ever change that much, and that auto-generates conflict.

I do think that Tom needs someone who doesn't think much of his obsessive megalomania. Harry's arc is about understanding Tom in a really intimate way because he doesn't buy into his mythos and is the only one who can understand him in that way. I find it so compelling he asks Voldemort to repent before their duel, as he doesn't believe this could ever happen, but if it did, he would not have to die. Harry wouldn't kill him. Harry very patiently banters with him, treating him not as a Dark Lord but a man who has done enormous harm.

So the fact of the matter is, Harry believes at least partially in redemption. If Tom showed signs of a lack of commitment to villainy, Harry would be responsive to it. Harry also knows him well enough to know when Tom is bullshitting. Harry's values are too strong to be corrupted or bent; he's like a self-appointed Voldemort Warden.

And yeah they really would get along. Harry gets mad at the same things Tom does. Harry is eager to prove himself, though it's in regards to his passions, not fields he's challenged. Harry is very utilitarian and Tom will have his undivided attention so long as he has something Harry needs. They're both nosy and love gossip. They both tend to keep their heads down and coast when left unattended. Neither think much of authority, but both appear to yearn for validation and unconditional love. They're both highly driven, their personalities counterbalance one another, they're foils, they're unempathetic and standoffish but have opposite reactions (Tom dismisses people on the whole while Harry isn't conscious of the distance and is friendly when approached), Tom carefully curated his masks while Harry is kind of irritated by social performance. Harry would encourage Tom's passions and Tom would encourage Harry to apply himself.

Most importantly, Tom works himself up into truly MANIACAL obsession and plotting when challenged, while Harry is a low simmer who worries problems like a lose tooth and impulsively jumps on whatever seems like it will resolve the issue. The potential for mutual obsession which doesn't clash cannot be underestimated.

You see how they slot together, and how their traits compliment one another, and how their individual natures can create instant romantic conflict. Delicious.

I think their relationship would involve a lot of petty arguments that don't escalate because Harry hates arguing but also get them yapping at each other for hours because neither want to drop it. Harry takes Tom being slighted seriously but he dislikes when people have drama with each other and will keep Tom from fixating (so long as he doesn't get roped into it...Harry needs a Ron for a reason). Tom would appreciate Harry's passion even if he barely tolerates the quidditch. They are simply cute your honor.

... I'm not saying I'm necessarily against their relationship being highly toxic. I was simply asked how their relationship works. We got seven books on how their relationship can fail on truely cataclysmic levels. I love toxicity and I love drama etc

[whatsriverreading]

HEAVEN OFFICIAL'S BLESSING - Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

This was a 5 stars reading for me. I absolutely loved this series. I've never been too into reading. I liked it and I've enjoyed some books here and there over the years, but I never got into reading as a daily activity, or as a hobby. I'm glad to say these books got me into it.

I've never known what to read, I didn't know what I liked, and not many books usually catch me enough to want to finish them. But back in September of last year, me and my friend were in this bookshop and we were just having a look at the books when we noticed TGCF manhua on the shelf. Lately, I had been seeing TGCF -a lot- in the stores (it just got translated and commercialized in Spain), and also I heard someone on TikTok talking about it, but I didn't know much about it. Just the title and nothing more. And then my friend said to me "I heard that this is about those gays you like", mf knows me so well cause immediately after getting home I searched about it and watched the donghua. Long story short, I didn't like it. I know, I know. I think the subtitles played a huge role in that, they were awful. Like bad bad. So, I finished watching the series and I understood a total of: nothing. But I was curious about it so I took my 11-year-old Kindle out of the back of my closet, put it to charge, went to the store cause the charger wasn't working, and got the first book. Girlypops when I tell you I ate this book, -I ATE- this book. 2 days and an empty hole inside me later I got the rest of the books and in about a month I finished the 8 of them. I found myself going to sleep at 4 am reading, giggling and rubbing my feet, I got back to my teenage years that month. I was reborn.

It's silly, charming, funny, hopeful, it's painful to read sometimes, it's sad, helpless, and extremely human. Every character is so well thought out, I loved them all (and that usually does not happen). Every character shows their goods and bads, they are complex and contradictory, with their own unique quirks. I could see myself in all of them; in those women who are never enough, never seen, never understood but also everyone needs. In Quan Yizhen who, to me, is clearly on the spectrum, and loses control and is always kinda lost, whom not many people want to understand. In Yin Yu hating someone he loves deeply, facing a punishment for his own actions, and coming to terms with the fact that what he idolized is completely rotten. And I could go on, yk.

But let me tell you something, the thing that I enjoyed the most, the thing that is -stuck- in my head and doesn't seem to be leaving anytime soon... girl, the Black Water Arc. I don't think I need to elaborate. Book 4? You mean The Bible? I read that entire part 3 times plus another couple of quick reads for research, I analyzed every dialog, every interaction between Shi Qingxuan and Ming Yi, everything Xie Lian thought about them, everything. If I had a physical copy of the book it would be destroyed. It's been like 6 months and I think about them daily. And the fantastic fanfics I've read, my, my.

Anyway, this has been my introduction to danmei and oh mama the doors that have been opened for me! Hella good this series 100% recommended, and the manhua is so so so so pretty also 10/10. See ya!

[cryingatwindermerepeaks]

Little!Melissa x Cg!Van - Help

‘When will you stop rewriting this scene in different scenarios?’ Never, probably. My brain fixated on the babiest scene ever and I need to keep turning it into fluff.

Notes: mention of accidents, she/they Van

Word count: 1366

—————————

Van didn’t mind watching the little’s of her soccer team at all. She enjoyed it, really, and found a lot of comfort in taking care of the little ones. That didn’t mean they weren’t prone to occasionally slipping away with Taissa for a moment of peace from looking after up to 10 littles at a time. Some of them, like Jackie, Shauna and Mari, regressed old enough that they could keep track of the younger littles for a little bit. Or at least that’s what Van thought.

Van had Tai pressed up against the Mathews’ pristine marble countertop when she felt the presence of another in the room. Confused, they glanced over to the archway that connected the kitchen to the main hallway and saw Lottie standing patiently, bouncing on her toes. “Hi baby,” Van smiled, pulling away from Taissa so as not to subject the little to any of their more private activities. “Did you need something?” Lottie just nodded, seemingly unable to speak at the moment which was pretty common when Lottie was regressed.

“Are Shauna and Mar not playing nice?” Tai suggested, unsure why else Lottie would seek them out instead of the older little’s who she was usually very comfortable with. Lottie shook her head, no, her hands tensing into little fists by her side.

“No? What is it then, princess?” Van asked, going over to place a gentle hand on Lottie’s shoulder.

Lottie scrunched her face up a little in concentration, clearly putting in a lot of effort to find her words. “Mel.” She finally got out, causing Van and Tai to look at each other nervously.

“Mel? Melissa? Is she ok?” Lottie shook her head firmly, pointing to her right.

“Bathroom. Needs Bubby.” She added for clarification, feeling a little braver.

Van nodded in understanding, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Lottie’s head. “Ok, thank you for getting me, sweet girl,” They praised before going off to find Melissa. It didn’t take a genius to guess why a little Melissa would be hiding out in the bathroom, especially having the awareness that Van did of the little’s previous accidents.

“Mel, buddy, you in here?” Van called out, knocking on the bathroom door. There was a soft sniffling behind the door so Van knocked again. “It’s just me, Van, no one else. Can I come in?”

“Go ‘way.” Melissa’s voice came out broken and muffled through the bathroom door. Van sighed.

“I don’t think I can kiddo, Lottie says you need me. Has something happened?” Silence. “Can I get someone else, Shauna?”

“No. No, please,” Melissa pleaded desperately, clearly panicked by the thought of someone else coming near.

“Ok. Hey, I won’t.” Van soothed gently, sliding down the wall next to the bathroom door so they were sat on the soft carpeted hallway floor. “But I don’t feel comfortable leaving you while you’re upset.” The only response was a couple sniffles on Melissa’s end. “Y’know Mel, I was planning on seeing if anyone wanted to walk down to the corner store to get some ice cream. Does that sound like a good idea?” Silence. “But I wouldn’t want to go without you, Buddy. So maybe you could open up the door for me and we could clean you up before some ice cream?” Van tried to keep their tone casual, not wanting to let Melissa feel any anxiety or shame over the accident. It seemed to work because after a moment Van heard the bathroom door click open. She looked up to see Melissa standing nervously in the doorway, thumb hanging from her mouth. Van’s suspicions were confirmed when she saw the damp spot at the front of Melissa’s denim jorts. She tutted gently, standing up. “Hey kiddo.”

“Hi,” Melissa mumbled around her thumb, eyes trained on Van’s socked feet.

Van smiled warmly, giving Melissa’s shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Can we get you cleaned up?” She asked. Melissa flushed but nodded, taking Van’s hand when it was offered. “Shower or wipes buddy?” Van asked, leading Melissa back into the bathroom. Melissa shrugged, feeling too small to make big decisions. “Have you ever used Lottie's shower before?” Melissa shook her head, no. “It’s pretty neat, nice and warm. Plus she has lots of soaps that smell really nice. I reckon you’d like it, wanna try?”

Melissa took a big deep breath, like she’d always been told to do when her anxiety got the better of her, and nodded. Van rewarded her with a smile and a little scruff of her messy blonde curls. “Will you… stay?” She blurted out. Van’s face softened.

“Of course. Let me just ask Tai to grab you a towel and stuff, ok?” And clean pants, she left out for Melissa’s dignity. Melissa nodded and let Van poke their head out of the bathroom and call Tai over. There was a moment of hushed whispering that Melissa couldn’t hear but she knew what was being said and it was enough to have her eyes filling up with shameful tears again. Van didn’t make a big deal about them when she turned back around. “Do you need help undressing?” They asked, closing the bathroom.

“No… it’s ok,” Melissa mumbled, pushing down her jorts and boxers in one movement. Van turned around, busying themself with the shower settings to give Melissa a little bit of privacy.

“Make sure to wash your thumb well, ok?” Van told Melissa as she climbed into the shower and pulled the curtain around herself.

“Kay,” She hummed, she did not want to take her thumb out of her mouth but it was a little bit impractical to shower with it in. Van had been right - Lottie had a lot of soaps that smelt really good. Melissa’s eyes were immediately drawn to one which was clearly aimed at babies, something Lottie must’ve used when she was regressed. Melissa worried for a moment about using it before she remembered how generous Lottie was with absolutely everything, she wouldn’t mind.

Van handed Melissa a towel through the curtain once she was all clean. It was easy to function with Van, who seemed to always hold just the right amount of space that Melissa needed to feel as grown up as she was even when she was dealing with something more common amongst the younger regressors. There were a pair of sweatpants waiting for her by the sink, pink - definitely Lottie’s. They were too long, covering Melissa’s feet. Van chuckled softly when she turned around and saw, crouching down to roll them up to Mel’s ankles. “Better?” They asked. Melissa nodded, noticing that her own clothes were nowhere to be seen. She silently thanked Van for the thought of dealing with them quietly. Van was holding Melissa’s cap however, and gently placed it backwards on her head. “Good as new. Let’s go see who’s coming for ice cream.”

Melissa had been a little worried that someone would make a comment about the fact she was wearing Lottie's clothes and clutching onto Van’s hand like a lifeline but no one did. She picked out a ninja turtles ice cream at the corner store and ate it squished between Van and Lottie on the sidewalk. Lottie got her strawberry ice cream all over her face, hands and shirt and Melissa thought it was a little funny when she watched Van try to wrestle Lottie into letting her wipe it off. On the way back she raced Gen the whole way and won. Then, back at the Mathews’ house Van put on a movie for them and Jackie braided little sections of Melissa’s hair while she watched. It was nice to feel so accepted and at peace with her friends. Van watched Melissa a little closer than usual all afternoon, she couldn’t deny that she felt a pang of guilt for not being there when the girl had initially had her accident. Melissa seemed more than content, however, laughing and giggling with the other girls like nothing bad had happened. It warmed Van’s heart, to see how they all banded together to cheer Melissa up. With their little, and slightly dysfunctional family, there wasn’t anything Van thought they couldn’t overcome.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

In Class 2

I was going to wait to binge watch the rest of the show tomorrow but honestly I need to put this show behind me for several reasons. Let me just get this out of the way before I say anything else. I am a big fan of the manhwa, simple as it may be. I have lived with these characters in my head for two years now. So my bias is clearly showing. But one thing that I want to make perfectly clear. Just because I love the manhwa, and admittedly I have a bias, does not mean I am dense, and incapable of watching and judging the show as it's own thing. I still have a brain. Ok. Now for the show. This usually goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. These are my opinions. Read at your own risk.

This is not a bad show. It's also not a bl. And that fact alone, makes this a bad adaptation. Let’s be honest, they adapted a bl and turned it into something that’s not a bl any more, as many have stated before. This is a kdrama with queer themes. Liking the show, and even acknowledging that it’s good, doesn’t change that fact. And if people honestly can't understand why people would have a problem with that, then nothing I will say about it will make a difference.

Now for the actual show. As a kdrama this isn't a bad series. The characters have depth, the astronomy metaphors are clever, even if at times they felt really heavy-handed, the acting is really good, for the most part, and there are some brilliant scenes that could make this show a great one. But it doesn't all come together. It's inconsistent. And it doesn't commit to its queerness. It's a series that was made two years ago, and it shows. Maybe even further back, actually. Which, regardless of my feelings for the source, is just sad. I'm not a romance kdrama watcher so I have no real frame of reference in that regard. But it seems like this show wanted to be a couple of different things but ended up not being either. It's not queer enough to be a bl, but it's too queer to be mainstream. It's not hard to see why this show couldn't find distribution for two years. They were aiming for mainstream but that was never gonna happen two years ago. Well, it didn't happen right now either, so...

My favourite part was the sisters. I love them. I think their various adventures in dating were really important as a parallel to Heesu. Which is one of the reasons I don't think the Chanyoung and JiYu couple were necessary to drive that point home. Nor do I think that's why they were there. One of my favourite scenes was Heesu coming out to his sister. And her reaction basically being, "Oh, I should say I love him now, that's what one should do in this situation." It was so well done.

Ahn Ji Ho was great as Heesu. Just really great. His emotions shined through beautifully throughout the whole series. Lee Sang Jun also did an amazing job as Seung Won. His physicality was on point at all times. I love these two so much. 

I think time was not used efficiently here. Mostly with the queer couple. I live for pining besties. But by episode 9, there were way too many chances and everything with the hets was already in the open, so why stretch it out? Cause it feels purposefully stretched. The editing in the final two episodes was a mess and I kept wondering what might've been left on the cutting room floor. It just didn't flow at all, and I kept getting pulled out of the emotional journey. It really seemed like they were forced to have 10 episodes but they couldn't really give us more than 5 minutes of the boys together so they made a mess of things in the final stretch.

I think the friendship between Heesu and Chanyoung was the weaker part of all this. They never felt, to me, like best friends. A lot of times, there's an issue with friends to lovers, which is the blurring of lines. You are crushing on your best friend, so everything becomes deeper, more hurtful, than if he was just your best friend.  I think for the most part, Heesu navigated this pretty well. We've certainly seen much worse. He slipped sometimes and messed up, but he never really stopped being by Chanyoung's side. 

However, this is still a very unbalanced friendship, mostly because of Chanyoung. He makes fun of Heesu for not having any friends, but it seems like he has the same problem. Cause it seems like he only reaches out to Heesu when he has a problem. He comes and goes as he pleases, and if he hadn't been sleeping at his house and seen Heesu unable to sleep, I doubt he would've noticed anything was wrong with Heesu at all. I'm not saying Heesu was a perfect friend, btw. But the confession scene and the subsequent summoning of Heesu to the tennis court where Chanyoung could feel safe, where he literally has home court advantage, where he could throw balls at Heesu, was a step too far for me. (Also, JiYu, you could do better!)

I liked the final three minutes because I have a heart. And I could finally watch my boys be together even if only for a short time. But it came too late and it stumbled too much to get there for me to feel the level of joy that I usually get. I think I needed more of them throughout the show to feel that same sense of joy when they moved past all the hurdles and finally got together.

I think maybe I should stop now. I think I could forgive more about this show if it was actually mainstream. If I could say, you know what? At least we're getting a queer coming of age story in a mainstream kdrama. I might still not like that they chose this manhwa for it, because there’s no shortage of those, so to pick one that is just about two boys falling in love and little else confuses me. But at least then I could feel like something was accomplished here. As it stands, I'm just left disappointed by a show that I had been waiting for since I first read the manhwa a couple of years ago.

[a-student-out-of-time]

I'm extremely curious about your post regarding staffside. Would you like to elaborate? No pressure!

//Well I can't say I've read much beyond the halfway point of Part 1 and there's still a lot to go, so I'm really just getting started. But there's still a lot that I can talk about.

//I will be honest and say that I initially didn't really understand what role Staffside has. Not in the sense of "Ugh, why does this exist?" but in the sense of "What are we meant to take away from reading this story?" Especially since it's apparently not mandatory viewing.

//I was also way more skeptical of it when people said it was good but also very dark and upsetting. The subject matter alone is not very appealing to me.

//I fully acknowledge that's not any of the creators' fault, that's a me problem. I've unfortunately come across so many stories that discuss things like SA and power imbalances very clumsily, very poorly and very tastelessly. Yes, the goal is typically to show that these acts are evil and do great harm to people, but I'd say the vast majority of writers are not equipped to really handle it.

//They often throw these into stories for the sake of shock value and drama, rarely actually trying to sit down and discuss why these things happen and what effects they have on the people affected. Some do it better than others, but it's a topic you need to really understand before you try tackling it, and many writers who try may think all it takes is the bravery to do so. It does not.

//I'm not excluding myself from that list either. I've tried to address topics like SA here on ASOOT, and while I feel like I did an okay job, I know I could've done better. I've been very apprehensive about discussing this topic because I don't feel equipped to do so and I never want to resort to something that traumatizing as just drama fodder.

//In my opinion, if the writer's goal is JUST to show that a villain is cruel or evil, having them be a rapist or a bigot is a very cheap and tasteless way to do it. There's a fine line between writing about these things and using very serious, trauma-inducing topics just to leverage an emotional response from an audience.

//It's the difference between how Pennywise in IT can be read as a representation of the intergenerational trauma that comes from things like discrimination vs. just having your villain dropping slurs to show that they're a bad person.

//But in Staffside, it's not drama fodder. None of this exists just to make Kan more hateable or to horrify and gross out the audience. Staffside is about this stuff, why it happens and how it affects the people involved. It's about how the people behind this game aren't a bunch of faceless unfeeling monsters, but actual people who were drawn into a situation and then given no way out.

//There's so much care devoted to making the facility feel like an actual toxic work environment rather than a den of evil. Yes, the people involved ARE active perpetrators of a monstrous crime, but it addresses their humanity, their flaws, their fears, and what little comforts they can find with each other.

//When Kan assaults people, it's never treated as fodder to make him seem more evil. It's given actual weight and we see how it affects people like Dr. Suga and Dr. Hattori, how afraid people are, the fact that those who aren't involved feel qualified to judge it and dismiss it in favor of Kan's role within this project. There are many layers to it and the consequences are still ongoing.

//That is very, very rare to see, and I have to commend Von Babbitt as a writer. But I have to say, for me, it almost works too well.

//Another big reason I initially didn't want to read Staffside was because I'm an empathetic person who hates injustice and doesn't like seeing people in pain. If there are genuinely good people here, like I'd been told many times, I knew I wasn't going to want to see them go through hell.

//Again, it turns out it's much more nuanced than that, but I still feel apprehensive about reading this sometimes because it's so depressing and visceral and cruel. And unfortunately very realistic with how these crimes aren't taken seriously. Which just makes me upset.

//I was expecting more of the equivalent of Kan holding a gun to their heads and forcing them to do horrible things. Instead, he deliberately injuries people, makes them physically and mentally dependent on him, and makes them do bad things before they even realize what they're done and convinces them it's too late to go back now. The people here are denied control over everything.

//To me, that's more horrifying and upsetting than just dropping in an assault scene for the sake of drama. It's genuinely difficult to read at times and I have to stop frequently because I'm left with so many ugly feelings. As we all should when faced with something as vile as sexual violence.

//Not that it's all doom and gloom. I do like the relationships we have with the interns, even if I have mixed feelings about some of them as people. I'm not sure how that will change over time, but I am curious to see.

//Tl;dr- Staffside is incredibly good at what it sets out to do and I absolutely hate reading it. That's a compliment from me, I promise : P